


Prize

by 27summer



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-06
Updated: 2014-12-06
Packaged: 2018-02-28 09:26:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2727257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/27summer/pseuds/27summer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For Faberry Week, Day 7- Coming Out. Rachel Berry always wanted to win a Tony but it wasn’t anything like she thought it would be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Prize

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers through Season Five, although nothing specific is mentioned

The whole world stopped for a moment after her name was called. Rachel noticed nothing but the pounding of her own heart. And then she came back to herself and heard the applause, felt the pats on the back. She was out of her seat and walking to the stage in a daze. She should’ve been thrilled. But there was something missing. She accepted her trophy and stepped up to the microphone, trying to remember the speech she’d memorized long ago. “Wow, I- I always dreamed of this moment but now that it’s here, I can’t think of what I want to say. I want to thank my dads for loving me and enrolling me in every dance and music class in existence. Jason and Ben for casting me as the bad girl with a heart of gold. I-”

Rachel stopped, gazing out into the audience. The one face she wanted to see wasn’t out there. She’d pushed her away because it wouldn’t be good for her image. Now, she had what she had always thought she wanted and it didn’t seem to mean anything. “I- I also have to thank someone else. Someone who always believed in me, even when I acted like an idiot. You- you’re not here tonight. Because I’m a coward. Because I broke your heart. This should be the happiest night of my life but it’s not because you’re not here.”

Blowing out a breath, Rachel decided to go for it. She’d already made a fool of herself; she might as well speak the truth. At least Quinn would know she had realized the mistake she had made. Assuming she was watching. “I lost the love of my life because I was scared. Because I wanted to stay hidden. I couldn’t be in love with a woman. As a child, I had to deal with a lot of prejudice and I couldn’t do it as an adult. I spent my whole life growing up being the girl with two dads. I couldn’t be the lesbian Broadway star. I thought I was making the right choice but I didn’t. As nice as this Tony win is, it’s not enough to make up for losing the most wonderful woman in the world. If you’re watching this, I hope you know that I realize my mistake. I’m so sorry. And- and to everybody who had to listen to me whine about my life, I’m sorry for taking over the Tonys like this. I don’t sound like it but I really am thankful for this. Thank you.”

Rachel stared to walk off the stage, her mind racing as what she’d just done sunk in. She’d just come out on national television. It wasn’t just the public who was in the dark. It was everyone. Her dads. Her friends. Oh, God, her team was going to flip. This Tony win should be a launching point for her career but all anyone would end up talking about would be her coming out. She really should have thought about this a little more. Of course, if she’d acted on something other than emotion, she never would have done it in the first place. But she didn’t regret it. Quinn deserved that and more from her. Quinn needed to know how much she regretted breaking up with her. She never should have tried to live without her. She had hurt them both needlessly and nothing would ever be the same again. She’d destroyed everything.

\--------------------

Several hours later, Rachel made her way to her apartment, totally exhausted. She knew it was her own fault but she’d spent the whole night getting badgered about her speech. It was fairly amusing how many people actually believed it was just a publicity stunt. And of course, everyone wanted to know exactly who she was talking about. It was probably a good thing she and Quinn had been so discreet or Quinn would never hear the end of it. And of course, her dads were freaking out. She’d gotten in touch with them and they weren’t nearly as disappointed as she’d feared they’d be. She had promised to call them in the next few days so they could talk but she had no idea how to explain everything without hurting their feelings. She’d also considered calling Quinn but she couldn’t imagine that Quinn wanted to hear from her. She may have admitted her mistake but that didn’t change anything. She’d still chosen fame and fortune over Quinn.

Arriving at her apartment, Rachel stopped short. “Quinn? What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see you.” Quinn stood up, smiling sheepishly.

“How did you get up here?” Rachel asked. She couldn’t believe that Quinn was really here. It had been almost a year since she’d seen her in person.

“The doorman recognized me.” Quinn took a step to her. “I- I saw your speech. Congratulations on your Tony win.”

“Thank you.” Rachel looked down at the award in her hand. She wasn’t sure what was more unexpected, her Tony win or Quinn standing in front of her. “Do- do you want to come in?”

“Yes. I think we have a lot to talk about.” Quinn smiled nervously as she followed Rachel inside.

“Can I get you something to drink?” Rachel had never felt this awkward around Quinn before, even as a teenager. She wanted to stare at her for a while before they had to discuss everything they needed to.

“No. I think we should talk. Um, you’re speech- it was a surprise.” Quinn sat down, patting the spot next to her.

“It was for me, too. I didn’t mean for it to happen.” Rachel sat on the edge of the couch, trying to give Quinn space. “I- I didn’t do it to get your attention or anything. I wasn’t trying to manipulate you.”

“Of course you weren’t. Rachel, I know you’d never do that.” Quinn shook her head. “But you should have told me before.”

Rachel frowned. “Told you what?”

“I honestly thought that we broke up because your career was more important than me. But you were scared. You didn’t want to be judged like you were as a kid. I can understand that. Especially since a lot of it was my fault.”

“Quinn-”

“No, Rachel. Think about it. You were picked on so much. It makes sense that you wouldn’t want to deal with that again.” Quinn scooted over, pressing her leg to Rachel’s.

“That’s just an excuse. I was a coward and it cost me you,” Rachel muttered, trying not to enjoy the feel of Quinn next to her.

“It’s not cowardly to want to protect yourself.” Quinn sighed. “I know all about that. I treated you like crap in high school because I was trying to deny my feelings for you.”

“It’s hardly the same thing. You were a teenager who was afraid of being kicked out of your super religious family. I’m an adult who gave up the woman I love.”

“Rachel, talk to me, please.” Quinn looked at Rachel with tears in her eyes.

“I just don’t see the point. It’s not your job to make me feel better anymore. Why do you care so much? I broke your heart.” Rachel steeled herself against Quinn’s tears. Even in high school, she always hated seeing Quinn cry. It only got worse once she fell in love with her. But she was already fighting everything that wanted to pull Quinn close and never let go. She still didn’t understand why Quinn was here and she couldn’t become entangled with her only to have to let her go again. It had nearly killed her the first time.

“You did break my heart but I understand better why. I- We could’ve worked it out if I had known why you didn’t want to be out.” Quinn cupped Rachel’s face in her hands.

“You wouldn’t have wanted to hide.” Rachel closed her eyes. She couldn’t get her hopes up yet.

“No, I wouldn’t have. But I would have done it if it was that important to you. Rachel, I love you and I’d do anything to take care of you. If you’d have explained this to me, we could have talk about it and figured something out.”

“Quinn, you don’t mean that.” Rachel fought against the tears filling her eyes.

“Yes, I do. I’d never want to make you feel bad.” Quinn wiped away the tears on Rachel’s cheeks. “Don’t cry.”

“I just- I’ve missed you so much. I meant what I said. The success, the fame, even the Tony- it means nothing because I don’t have you to share it with.” Rachel turned her head, pressing a kiss to Quinn’s hair.

“You don’t have to say that. Winning a Tony was your dream. Surely that feels good.” Quinn backed up, slipping her hand into Rachel’s.

“It does. But it’s not enough. I have everything I ever wanted as a kid but I don’t have you. And that’s not a fair trade off.” Rachel squeezed Quinn’s hand.

“Really? What are you saying? Would you want to give up all that for me?” Quinn asked, scowling and taking her hand from Rachel’s.

“No. of course I’m not saying that.” Rachel sighed. She understood was Quinn was angry with her, even if it did come up so suddenly. She’d jerked her around so much. It wasn’t surprising that Quinn didn’t want to believe in her words. “What I want is both. If you still want me.”

“I don’t know. I still love you. Of course I still love you. But you hurt me. How do I trust that you won’t get scared again?” Quinn’s voice was soft but she still wouldn’t look at Rachel.

“There’s no way to really know. I can’t make you trust me. But I did just out myself on television.”

“Don’t joke.” Quinn glared hard at her.

“I’m sorry. I just- There’s no turning back. I can’t hide anymore. And I don’t want to.” Rachel crawled into Quinn’s lap, wrapping her arms around Quinn’s neck. “I love you, Quinn, and I won’t pretend not to anymore.”

“I- What does that mean exactly? I need you to explain exactly what you want.” Quinn looked directly at Rachel, like she was trying to decipher the hidden meaning in Rachel’s eyes.

“I want to be yours again. I want to go out to dinner and go for walks in the park without worrying that someone might see us.” Rachel smiled. “I just want to be with you, Quinn.”

“I don’t know if I can. I still love you but it’s been so long and so much has happened.”

“Oh. Right. God, I’m stupid. You’re so wonderful and there are so many women who would die to be with you without all the trouble. Of course you don’t want me.” Rachel attempted to scramble off of Quinn’s lap but Quinn held on tightly. “Let me go.”

“No. Rachel, there’s no one else. I tried but I’m nowhere near over you.” Quinn grabbed Rachel’s waist. “I just don’t know if how we move past everything that happened.”

“So you don’t even want to try?” Rachel held her breath as she waited for Quinn’s response. She couldn’t blame Quinn if she didn’t want to be with her anymore. But she wanted her. So much.

“I- I rushed here as soon as your speech was done. I had to see you. I- I love you, Rachel and this may be rash and ill-advised but I can’t live without you. I tried and it’s not living.” Quinn leaned in, stopping just before their lips met. “You’re my girl, Rachel.”

“I- Oh.” Rachel burst into tears, burying her face into Quinn’s neck. She was so relieved but all of her emotions flowed out of her.

“Don’t cry. This is a good thing.” Quinn rubbed Rachel’s back.

“It is.” Rachel lifted her head, sniffling. “But I’d convinced myself you’d never forgive me. It’s just a little odd.”

“Well, I have forgiven you. And I’m right here.”

“You are.” Rachel scoffed. “I’m the one who should be comforting you. I hurt you.”

“You did. But I’m okay and we’re still here together. We’re going to get through this.” Quinn smiled at her.

“I love you, Quinn.” Rachel couldn’t seem to stop saying it but she didn’t think Quinn minded all that much.

“I love you, too.” Quinn kissed her.

“God, I missed that,” Rachel said after a few moments.

“Well, I am a good kisser,” Quinn teased.

“You are.” Rachel rested her head on Quinn’s shoulder and they held onto each other silently.

“So. How does it feel to be a Tony winner?” Quinn asked.

“It hasn’t really sunk in yet.” Rachel shook her head. “My mind’s been on other things.”

“Well, you know, you had a pretty eventful night.”

Rachel snorted. “That’s an understatement. Jason and Ben protected me from most of the questions at the after party but my phone’s been ringing off the hook. My agent and publicist are so pissed.”

“Oh. How- how’s Jane taking this? I know she didn’t want you to be out in the first place,” Quinn said hesitantly.

“She’s furious. But it’s done. I can’t go back in the closet. It’s all about damage control now.” Rachel cringed at her words and the way Quinn tensed in her arms. “Wait, that’s not what I meant. I said it wrong.”

“Rachel, if you’re still scared, if you’re going to panic again, let’s not do this. I couldn’t stand it if you broke my heart again.” Quinn tried to push Rachel off of her but she wouldn’t move.

“I’m terrified, Quinn. I can’t deny that.” Rachel held Quinn’s face in her hands, not allowing her to look away. “But- I don’t- I’m sure of you, Quinn.”

“Really? Because damage control sounds like-” Quinn was cut off by Rachel’s lips on hers.

“Let me talk. Please,” Rachel said when she pulled back. “What I meant was that we have to manage all the attention. I should be giving interviews about my Tony but it’s going to be all about my speech instead.”

Quinn frowned. “So you’re not going to change your mind?”

“No. Never. If I had stopped to think, I wouldn’t have come out like this,” Rachel said honestly, smoothing back Quinn’s hair. “But I did and I don’t regret it. I love you, Quinn and I want to be with you. No matter what happens.”

“I- Good.” Quinn tangled a hand in Rachel’s hair, tilting her head back. “I need you. I can live without you but I don’t want to. I want you.”

“Me, too.” Rachel closed her eyes as Quinn’s lips descended upon hers. She lost herself in the feeling of Quinn’s kisses. She had missed her so much and wanted to just press into her until she couldn’t tell where she ended and Quinn began.

Quinn pushed on Rachel’s shoulders, falling on top of her. “You’re perfect, you know that? Rachel, you’re perfect for me.”

“Mmm. I don’t know about that but I love it when you touch me.” Rachel slipped her hands beneath Quinn’s shirt, stroking the smooth skin of Quinn’s back.

“I love touching you.” Quinn propped herself up, looking down at Rachel. “But maybe we should slow down a bit. It’s- it’s been a long time.”

“I’m sorry. Am I pushing too much?” Rachel yanked her hands out of Quinn’s shirt.

“You didn’t push me. I enjoyed it. But maybe we shouldn’t rush back into a physical relationship. There’s a lot we still need to figure out.” Quinn pushed Rachel’s bangs off of her forehead, her fingers lingering for a little bit.

“I- You’re right.” Rachel blew out a breath, feeling a little disappointed but knowing that Quinn was right. As much as she loved Quinn, she didn’t want to risk messing this up. Her life was going to be really complicated. She and Quinn needed to be certain that they could handle anything thrown at them before they made love again.

“You’re not angry?” Quinn asked, trailing her thumb over Rachel’s lips.

“No way.” Rachel kissed Quinn’s thumb. “Besides, there is something we should talk about soon.”

“What is it?”

“I’m obviously out now. And there’s going to be a lot of interest in who I was talking about in my speech. Are you sure you want to be under all that scrutiny?” Rachel asked, hoping Quinn was prepared for this.

“I- I never really wanted to be some poster child for lesbian actresses, I just didn’t want to hide.” Quinn smiled, cupping Rachel’s cheek. “But I can deal with being out if I’m with you. I don’t care if it hurts my career.”

“Are you sure? You’re going to get tons of questions.” Rachel couldn’t wipe the smile off of her face. This was really happening. She and Quinn were getting back together.

“You’re worth it. You’re so- I just want you.” Quinn pressed her cheek to Rachel’s.

“I just want you, too.” Rachel laughed, almost giddy with joy.

“I missed you, Rachel. I- I did a lot the past year but it felt like nothing because I wasn’t with you.” Quinn shook her head, looking slightly embarrassed. “That makes me sound slightly pathetic but it’s true. The world seems empty without you.”

“It’s not pathetic. In fact, that’s what I meant in my speech.” Rachel grabbed Quinn’s back and tugged her closer. “But I’m sorry that it took being apart for me to realize that. I- I wish I had been with you every step of the way. I was so proud the first time I saw you on television.”

Quinn ducked her head, a blush on her face. “I died within five minutes.”

“You did it exceptionally.” Rachel grinned nuzzling into Quinn’s neck.

“It’s not a big deal,” Quinn said bashfully.

“You’re just starting your career. That’s a big step.” Rachel lifted her head, a thought suddenly occurring to her. “What about your agent? Will he be upset about you being with me?”

“I really can’t see him caring all that much,” Quinn said, chewing on her lip. “Honestly, it’s probably good publicity.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it sounds horrible but you’re going to get a lot of attention because of this and so’s the woman attached to you,” Quinn pointed out. “I’ve done a few bit parts in independent movies and a couple of off-Broadway plays but my most recognizable part was getting stabbed in the neck. I’ll probably get attention just because of you. My agent will be thrilled. Any questions about my sexuality will just be a minor irritation.”

“Oh. I hadn’t thought of that.” Rachel smiled brightly. “So something good came from my inability to keep my mouth shut.”

“You know that’s not why I’m with you. I don’t care about any of that. I was just saying why my agent won’t care about us,” Quinn said anxiously.

“Hey, I know that. I- I’m glad I can help you.” Rachel reached up, twirling Quinn’s hair around her finger. “I just don’t want this to affect you negatively.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Quinn assured her. “I can take whatever negativity comes my way if I get to come home and be with you.”

“You’re so sweet,” Rachel murmured as she slid her hands up Quinn’s back until they reached her neck and tugged Quinn down for another kiss.

“I just love you is all.” Quinn trailed kisses down Rachel neck, grinning when she moaned. “You like that?”

“I love that.” Rachel shivered when Quinn’s hand found its way to her breast. “But if you expect me to keep my head, you probably need to stop. I can only take so much before I completely lose my mind.”

“Sorry. I just can’t help it. It’s been so long since I’ve gotten to touch you.” Quinn rested her head on Rachel’s shoulder.

Rachel ran her hands up and down Quinn’s back. “I’m not complaining. I’m pointing out that I’m really close to dragging you to my bedroom, stripping off your clothes and making love to you until I see daylight.”

“That sounds pretty good to me.” Quinn sucked on Rachel’s neck.

“If you expect us to go slow, you shouldn’t do that.” Rachel’s eyes rolled back in her head, even as she tried to control her reaction to Quinn’s touch. She wanted to give in but she couldn’t until she was sure that Quinn wouldn’t regret it.

“I don’t want to stop.”

“But you said-”

“I know but I missed you. I want you. I need you.” Quinn kissed her long and hard. “I want to make love to you.”

“I- if you’re sure.” Rachel had to check one last time.

“I’m sure.” Quinn stood up, holding a hand out for Rachel to take.

“I love you so much.” Rachel took Quinn’s hand, leading Quinn to her bedroom. Her heart was filled with joy. She may have won a Tony but the real prize would be in her arms for the rest of the night and hopefully more.


End file.
